Primal Fear

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.-- H. P. Lovecraft.

Strangely this quote seems to be very true. And Fear seems to be most crippling and intimidating emotions to all the living creatures on earth. I have succumbed to fear a lot of times. I have been trying to understand the root cause of fear. But at the time when fear strikes me, I am totally paralysed. I find that the same happens to most of the people who are around with me. Some manage to conceal their fear. Some like me start reacting immediately to fear. But the bottom line people fail to analyse the fear and react accordingly.Over the years I have realised that fear is nothing but a consequence of ignorance. Well for example consider a student taking up his exams. It is fine if he fears the exams because the fear would also make him study but the fear should not cripple him. It should not stop him from taking up the exam. Well I have also realised that stress can lead to fear. Under stress we tend to even fear the slightest thing. So I guess its better to first assess the situation when panic occurs. Take a few deep breaths and think calmly about the situation. Try to understand the source of fear. If the fear is known, try to think positively to overcome the fear. Accept the situation calmly and slowly overcome the fear. If you can trust someone divulge your fear to them and talk to them about it. Sometimes good company hepls. Do not let fear conquer you.

Moustache-- and a good movie!!

Well I will begin this posting with a review of a nice tamil movie I saw recently. The movie's name is Ram and it doesnot boast of a big starcast. Excellent screenplay,chilling suspense,brilliant portrayal of autism by Jeeva and beautiful locations(Kodai) makes this movie a visual treat. The story starts with a middle aged teacher lying murdered in her home. Next to her lies her son in a pool of blood. The son is supposed to be an eccentric and is know for his violent temper. He is shown to be reciting hymns standing one legged on his rooftop. He lives with saints and cannot tolerate injustice. Naturally he becomes the prime suspect and is accused of killing his mother. The relationship between the autistic son and his mother is shown excellently and touches the viewer's heart. People have never accepted autism in this world. They are shunned in this society. The only people who understand them are their parents. I really salute these gr8 parents who accept and bring up these exceptional children. As the movie proceeds, more people concerned with the teacher and her son are interrogated by the police and the plot unveils . The heroine looks very natural and plays her part well. But the whole movie is dominated by the autistic protagonist with his every action emanating fear. The scene where he escapes from the police and is found sitting next to his mother's dead body at the mortuary moves the viewers. Adding to all this is natural acting by all the other characters in the movie. There is a character called vaazhavandhan who is really hilarious. The scene where Jeeva sobs for his mother's death and says "Naanum en ammavum eppadi irundhum theriyumaa" creates a heaviness in you as you silently mourn for his loss. The climax might look a little disappointing but it doesnot let down the movie. Once the movie is over, you feel satisfied seeing a good movie and once hats off to jeeva for his brilliant portrayal.
If you see the connection dhanush,simbu and now jeeva have tasted success because of their offbeat roles. Normal is boring.....I am always a fan of offbeat roles...do you hear me?


The long weekend started with a lazy good friday. I kept on sleeping and woke up in the evening. Then I went and got some books at a sale at good sheppard mahal in nungambakkam. All of you guys can go out and try out this sale. There is a good collection of books at cheap rates. I got Roses are red by James Patterson. Then I got two books on WWII and the abridged adventues of Ulleyssus. Finished both of them the same night after playing a disappointing game of carrom with AK and senthil.

Saurday started with a nice yoga session. My Yoga sir was pleased that I was doing it better this time though he commented that I was getting bulkier. Then I did the most gutsiest thing. I shaved my moustache. And there were mixed opinions regarding the same. Some liked it. Some said it was funny. Some scolded me for doing the same. Thanks dudes!! But its my face...:)

In the evening I went for a long walk in the nearby Indepedence day park. I learnt that it was inaugarated in 1947 by Bhaktavatsalam. The park is awesome and becoming a hot spot in nungambakkam. The Holi celebrations were going on in chennai and I attended a Holi puja. Basically there is a huge bonfire and people go around the same. I happened to see all the marwadis in chennai and wondered where they came from. They are very beautiful and colourful people. I sent a SMS wishing my friendi for Holi but got no replies. I guess its over now. Shes probably busy with her studies. Hopefully she would call me when she's free.

Sunday found me getting prepared to play my usual cricket match at Corporatin ground. We got beaten miserably though I felt that we could have won if I had not thrown my wicket. I batted well but fielded miserably. Then I went with my parents to the temple and for a dinner at our favourite hangout Dhabba Express at Nungambakkam. If you got to Dhabba Express try out arabian chicken and jelabis. Both are fabulous. Then I chatted with Swamy and he intorduced to the world of Skype one nice VOIP application. Guys who want to try voice chat !!! Please go for Skype. The clarity of the voice is amazing.

So that was the end of a moderately nice weekend....keep reading and I will be back.

MIXED FEELINGS!!!

Eagerly anticipating the long weekend ahead. No specific plans ahead. I was in a really abysmal mood yesterday after noticing the obvious increase in my rotundity. I have not been on an ethical diet for a long time. My 26 th birthday sees me as a fat and half bald person. Time to be more cautious about my weight. Not to mention the constant teasing around. I could hardly believe this is happening to me. I was so lean in my college years. Those times I used to yearn for a little more weight. Time to lose the flab. Maybe the new work campus which guarantees atleast a 30 minute walk (for breakfast,lunch,evening snacks and TT) will help me lose the flab.

Adding to my woe or everybody's woe in chennai is the blistering heat mingled with the punsihing humidity. I just need to walk for 2 minutes and I am drenched with sweat. I think God has provided me extraordinary sweat glands. Carrying my water bottle around so that I dont drop down due to dehyrdation. For once water tastes better than coke.

Well since I was planning to use this blog to air some reviews I will do so. I saw incredibles recently. It was a cool movie. I have been listening to the songs from the movie kaadal. The songs are really great. Particularly a song called "thottu thottu" is awesome. This song is very melodious and the lyrics are superb. I havent yet seen the movie but I heard it was nice.

I am waiting for the epic War of the worlds from Spielberg. Not to mention Kamal's Mumbai express. No great songs from AR Rahman for a while. Heard that Mani Ratnam's next venture was Aalayam. Recently Mani had DVDs of his movies released at Landmark. Missed the opportunity to see him along with Maddy and Surya.

The new workplace is very comfortable and it has lots of facilities. The huge crowd is certainly a new experience. I seem to have settled down well and quickly for one who cribs a lot for the smallest things.

Thats it for now folks..will blog this weekend.

Events!!

Posting the events since last thursday....also jotting down those fleeting thoughts I had in my mind..On Friday I came to work early because we were shifting our office. I had also promised a treat to my colleagues and had arranged for the same. I was eager to take the people out but the shifting activity totally screwed it up. Some people were even wondering why the heck was I prepared to give a birthday treat. Some wondered why I had invited a huge crowd and some accused me of being pompous. Well What could i explain to them? I wasnt trying to advertise that I was capable of giving them a treat. I just wanted to create an occassion where all the people I knew could meet and have a nice time. I was a little frustrated how such a noble intention could be mistaken. Some said I could spend the money on the poor. It was a very valid point and I had already arranged for sweets and food to be distributed on my birthday. Only a few close friends came to the treat and we had nice lunch at the Dhabba.

Friday evening I went to the beach with Sumit and Raj and had a nice time. This was followed by pool and I came in home at 9. I was reading a book till about 11. I started wondering about those good times during college when people started calling from 11 and wished me till late night. Tresa,Naggi,Swamy and close friends. I felt a lil sad and I felt a lil lonely. Suddenly at 11.45 they came. My cousins and my friends who lived closely had secretly plotted a birthday party at 12 and there thye were boosting up my spirits when I needed it badly. Then my elder brother Rats called up and spoke for a while. It was a memorable way to start one's birthday with cake all over your face.

On the next day I turned 26. I went to the temple and saluted the goddess. I also didnt miss out yoga in the morning. In the evening my friends and I had a nice time at Kumarakom authentic mallu restaurant. Anybody who likes mallu cuisine should try out kumarakom. It promised cheap and tasty food. Then I came home and went to sleep. I missed out badminton the next morning and wasted my whole day sleeping. In the evening we played a nice cricket match where I scored miserably. This was followed by dinner at my friend's restaurant Broaster. Let me tell you about Lavanya who runs this place. I have known her since she was a lil girl. She has very strong determination and immense strength. Imagine a girl who has guts to open and run a chicken joint at Mylapore which is supposed to be a haven of staunch brahmins. she is one role model I forgot to mention in my previous post.

Today I sacrificed my sleep to catch the bus at 7.30 to reach my new workplace. At first I was very intimated at seeing about 2000 people in a single campus running around. Waiting in queues for breakfast,walking a few steps to the cafetaria...every thing has changed drastically since Friday...But I am starting to like this change because I realised that there was no use in resisiting change. I will be back soon.

Responsibilities - Bitter or Sweet!!!

Today was as an unusual day in which God made me twice as active as ever. He also made me realise how poorly I manage my things. I am sure I am echoing thoughts of many friends over here. I hadnt paid the mobile bill on time which totally left me stranded without a connection for an agonising 3 hours.I managed to contact a friend in Airtel who promptly collected the cheque and activated my connection. Then I had some problems with my credit card too. It took some time for me to convince the "citi girl" that I was right. Then came the shock. The Electricity people came in and disconnected the power suply to my house. We had forgotten to pay the bill. I pity my father who is totally running the house. I havent made any contribution to the same. I called up my Dad who told me what needed to be done. So after "taking care" of the electricity officials I went and paid the bill and then there was LIGHT....

This led to me thinking about the question - When does a man realise that he has grown and he should be responsible? When does the metamorphosis take place? When does he start managing things at home ? So I started my analysis in the simplest way. Looking at the people whom I have been closely associated.

My close friends like Rsi(my school mate, an IIT and IIM grad) has always been in command of his things since the day I met him. He took care of his own stuff right from the XIth standard and depended less on his Dad. I think his is a quite exceptional case.

On an average many of my friend depend on Dad for making decisions and paying the bills. Because I guess its universally accepted that its the way it was. My close friends always let their Dad run their money dealings and account transactions. I think thats what my brothers do. As for myself, I have stopped troubling Dad about money. I only ask him advice about how to invest the money. There have been quarrels but I have stuck to what he has said.

But I have never shouldered responsiblities in the house like paying bills , running around for vegetables etc. One moment I stop and think about all those friends of mine (even my elder brother) who are staying away from home. I guess they are all running their home. They pay their bills,wash their clothes,cook their own meals and are masters of their apartments. They dont depend on others to make their decisions. But I am a person who prefers staying at home with parents. It is not only because of the comfort which comes with it but it is the joy of living with the people who have lived for you all their life. I have turned down lucrative offers away from home just to be with my parents. I wish I could be with them even after my marriage. But the point is staying at home, I comfortably shy away from respinsiblities. Be it painting the house, calling the plumber or the electrician or paying the electricity bill , I have never been there for my father. I was too lazy to be involved in such things. Suddenly I realise that one day I need to run my own house and do all these things. I realise that I am partly responsible for the grey hair on my father's head/ Is this the wakeup call for me? I think its time for me to take up some load from the old man. Well I have been thining a lot about it. Let me get back and tell you if I was successful.

THE REAL LIFE ROLE MODELS

well time to stop writing about myself....time to use this blog for airing my views on general happenings here...thanks for those ppl swamy,radha who asked me to do this.

As my first venture, I am writing about my real life role models. For me I find these ppl more inspiring than a Mahatma Gandhi or a Martin Luther King. I find that every human in his true form can be a role model to me in one way or the other.

Let me first start by describing about my brother's friend who is a doctor. His name is Hari. He practises what he preaches which is basically doing good to others. He doesnot charge patients who couldnt afford to pay 50 bucks. He sometimes gives away medicines for free. There is nothing gr8 about a person like cherian wo makes millions every month doing this. But this is hari. He has not yet settled down in life but yet he sticks to his principles. He has also made me (an 24 hour hypochondriac) into a more stronger person. speak to him for 5 minutes and then you would be mesmerised. He would recite gita effortlessly and explain the same. He has really motivated me to perform charity related activities. He is certainly one of those few people who would be in my top 10 list of role models. Tomorrow he starts his own clinic and I wish him all the best.

Then I would like to list out my friends AK , Muni and Tressa . Come what may, these people never lose their cool. They stay calm and face the situation. They never lose their poise in the most unlikely situations. And they always go by their convictions. I know that there are million more people like them in this world and I truly recognize and salute these wonderful people. And these are very amicable people whom you would start liking the first minute you meet them.

I have always been intimidated by tough situations in my life. I have panicked and felt paralysed. Take the instance where my father suddenly complained of chest pain. I had to rush him to the hospital. Suddenly I found the courage to drive him in the congested chennai traffic to reach the hospital. But after that I freaked out. Then came Hari and my brother who totally took the situation in their hands. Even my elder brother in UK started panicking. It was my younger brother Senthil who showed that keeping cool helps. He managed the things at home and hospital for the entire 3 days my father was bedridden. Even today the guts he showed is a lesson to me.

Sometimes its these people around who inspire you a lot. Only if you are willing to learn. Think of your office colleague or college mate who has faced the worst in his life and come out unscathed . Think about your close friend who donates money to charity and arranges provisions for the poor every week when he could be relaxing. Think of your friend who refuses to be dull inspite of heavy pressure at work.These are all role models.you are lucky to be associated with such people. and only if you want to be inspired , you would be. Keep thinking about this while I get back to you soon..........maybe even I have inspired a few people..:)...Well keep reading this blog...more thoughts soon... I will be back...

A moderately good weekend!!

Post weekend blog is a big one.....welcoming your brickbats..

On friday immeditately after I created my blog I went home. I was damn tired and went to sleep even while reading frederick Forsyth's Avenger. I had to wake up at 5 to play shuttle with AK,Ksri and my brother Senthil. AK is my closest friend and we have been friends since we were born. We would remind you of Bubba and Gump. Ksri is another friend of mine since childhood. We were close till a petty fight broke us up and then we started talking since college. He is certainly good company. On saturday morning I woke up at 5 promptly. I woke up a friend by calling her up since she was preparing for exams. I will henceforth refer to as "friendi" in this blog. she was very thankful and I went to play badminton feeling like a gr8 samaritan.

I played poor badminton the first two matches. Only my brother senthil played well against AK who is a pro.Then we came home at 7 and I went to have breakfast with Ksri forgetting that I had yoga class. My yoga instructor was furious at me. But I was saved from his wrath by my friend from Anand who had come to pay me a visit after his trip from Australia. He is a nice person and I spent the next 1 hour listening to his experiences at Sydney.So nice to see him again.

Then I came back home exhausted and went to sleep. I got up at 12 and I had a sharp pain in my knee and elbow. Something was nagging me. I had forgotten something important. At 12.45 it struck me when I got a call from Pacha, Pipes' brother studying at IIT. I was supposed to be at IIT M for the open quiz and I had been waiting for it for a week. I couldnt move thanks to my knee. I apologised to Pacha and wished him luck for the prelims.He was cursing me for pulling him to the quiz. I had my lunch and I was feeling depressed for having missed te quiz. To add to it, I got my airtel bill which showed a rather gargantuan amount and I was flummoxed. I realised that it was due to my ISD calls to my brother and friends and SMS to online friends which had contributed to this huge bill. I slowly got over it as I was lying my bed for a siesta. I swore that I would never call ISD or STD unless purely necessary and I would use my mobile wisely.

I woke up at 4 and found the Pakis screwing up India's test win. I went to play with my cousins and friends at my cousin Santosh/Satish's house. Played till 6.30 and went to ksri's house to watch sex and the city DVD. Time flies as you watch this nice serial.I was borught back to reality I got a call from my friendi. I told her I would call back as Ksri was with me.

I went to the STD booth and spoke to her for 15 minutes. Couldnt say it was kadalai. we were speaking like good friends. Then called up Tressa and spoke to her like forever telling her about everything that had happened since my last call. Tressa is my closest friend(girl) in college and I looked upon her always as an elder sister. Then I called up Muni my CTS friend and told him about my mobile bill. He consoled me and told me that life was fun and I needed to enjoy and he asked me not to worry about it.I went home at 10 and was severely warned by my parents who were wondering where I had gone since 3 in the evening. i was so exhausted that I apologised and went to sleep.

On Sunday morning I woke up at 5 and went for badminton. I forgot to wake up my friendi. badminton went smoothly and we finished 3 matches. I was feeling fine but Ksri was complaining of dizziness and he took a break. Like a hero I suggested more macthes and we started playing. I didnt feel anyhting but sweaty when I got into the car while coming back home. But when we were close to my home I started feeling real dizzy. I felt that I was going to pass out. My arms and legs were shaking. AK drove madly and reached my house quickly. I realised I was dehyrated and went upstairs and had lots of water with glucose. I sat in front of the A/C and asked my mom to give me breakfast. I felt I was going to faint. But I didnt. As I gulped in more water I felt better. The A/c cooled me down. My friend AK came in and told me that I was fine. Then I was back to normal. Then I started eating breakfast with my AK telling me something which would come as a shock to me. I couldnt reveal it here as I have promised to keep it a secret. We spoke to 2 hours about it and I felt better.Then I felt tired and I went to sleep after telling my wipro buddy Raj about what had happened in the morning. He assured I would be fine after some rest.

I went to sleep and woke up 3 hours later and had lunch. Then I went back to sleep again. I woke up at only to hear that my friends were going to play a cricket match at corporation ground. The weather was suddenly nice. It looked like it was about to rain. But it didnt. We played badly in the match against the "Bakery" gang. I scored 1 of 6 balls. pathetic. we lost miserably and we came back home blaming each other for the loss. we werent able to chase 43 in 12 overs.

I came back home at 7 and then went to buy clothes for my birthday next week with parents. I bought 3 T shirts - light and dark grey. I reserved the dark one for my birthday and I am wearing this light grey one at work as I type. It cost me 700 bucks. Normally I would bought clothes for 5k. But I was overridden with the guilt of wasting money on my mobile bill. So for the first time in his post-college life, Navin Kumar shopped less and meaningfully for his birthday. His dad was happy.:)

I came back home and watched sex and the city DVD with Ksri at his place for some more time. Then I went to the STD booth to call up friendi who was awaitng my call. Spoke to her for 10 minutes and wished her luck for today's exams. I went home and continued reading the forsyth book. at about 11 PM, I dozed away without switching off the lights. I woke up at 8 and found that my arms and legs were paining. I cursed myself for not being fit. I finsihed my breakfast and quickly came to office at 9.30. I got to catch up on my work. I will be blogging agin on wednesday. ciao.I will be back later.

an evening blog!

thanks to my friend radha, i am resuming my blogging activities! expect to see more of me in this blog soon!